Can softness be a superpower?

In the misty dawn of a late September morning, I am robbed of all my...

In the misty dawn of a late September morning, I am robbed of all my previously held beliefs about what it means to be a strong woman in the 21st century...Had I misunderstood feminism?

In the grip of a burnout, that I had yet to acknowledge, I was at a boutique festival called Campfire stories in the heart of the Netherlands.

The relentless pursuit of building my impact startup had pushed me to the brink and I was here to (reluctantly) partake in trendy self-care practices and forge connections with people outside work.

Carpooling to the festival I met a woman named Amanda MacRae, and I had the sense she was going to shake things up for me in some grand way..

For the past four years, I built my first company, a mission-driven tea brand called Frank about tea, alongside my co-founder David, who became both my life companion and love (convenient when work consumes you). We were on fire, national media features, a prime-time TV appearance post Forbes 30under30 listing... I don't share this to boast, but to illuminate the stark contrast between our outward achievements and the internal challenges we grappled with.

I, the social warrior striving for a just world and uplifting tea farmers, was simultaneously serving coffee at the Amsterdam library on weekends, struggling to make ends meet. I felt the weight of contradiction—a 'social' entrepreneur seemingly dedicated to a more just world but unsure how to share love with those around her, and most challenging of all, to herself.

Back at the festival, huddled under a tent with a bunch of strangers after a rough night camping, I struggled to connect and felt anxious of the perceived need for small talk. At last we were asked to lie down on a sheep wool carpet within the half-open tent, a crackling fire in the corner spreading its warmth.

Guided into a Wim-Hof inspired breathing practice, my initial resistance waned, and a subtle tranquility enveloped me. With the closing gong, I found myself completely immobilized, as if a sudden brake had halted the rush of my life. Obliged to surrender, I lay on my little sheepskin sanctuary, simply existing in stillness.

To my surprise, strangers started gravitating towards me, drawn like moths to light. My usual shield, the armor I wore for self-protection, seemed to be ineffective.

Aforementioned Amanda approached me, delivering a revelation that rattled my core.

"Softness is your superpower, Valerie", she blatantly declared.

Excuse me lady??

Sleepy, shivering, and defenseless, I struggled to reconcile my vulnerability with power in that moment, and I felt myself getting angry.

Softness certainly did not align with the tough, independent image I'd tried to cultivate over the years, inspired by feminists like Gloria Steinem and Betty Friedan. Woman who fearlessly confronted patriarchal structures with an inexhaustible source of energy and boldness. Their strength, in stark contrast to my current state, left me questioning.

If softness truly was a superpower, I felt deeply deceived by feminism.

Or... had I gotten it all wrong?

For years I had been hiding behind the titles of social warrior and entrepreneur, convincing myself that constant hustle was noble. My feminist armor grew stronger, especially as (mostly male) investors joined the company, redirecting my focus towards reporting numbers—numbers that often fell short of our expectations.

Knowing a change was overdue, three years later the day arrived when leaving Frank about tea became the only path to reclaim my true self beyond the labels I'd adopted. Departing from my own company was the necessary step for both physical healing and creating room for my feminine.

That moment at Campfire Stories sticks with me. Softness keeps coming back to my mind, making me wonder how it could play a role in business, love, and life.

The tough, go-it-alone strategy had clearly failed me, and maybe it is time to try something different - to explore the true potential of softness as a superpower.

I deeply crave to step into my feminine, to let go of the constant fight against the system, and navigate life without the lingering need to prove my worth in masculine structures.

Crave to start building new structures based on a foundation of softness and strength, structures that enable women to do whatever they think is right, in a way that feels right. Which I suppose was the whole point of fem-inism in the first place !?

This newsletter will explore that journey, inviting us all to embrace vulnerability and softness as a source of strength, not weakness. I strongly believe that embodying softness can bring more well-being and real power to, especially, women.

I'm still figuring it out myself, and I'd love for you to join me in this new year.

Soft is the new strong 🤘🏽

Love, Valerie

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Leave a Comment

Are you currently also wondering if you’re showing up as your true self at work or in life? Could there be a different way that feels more feminine, fun and loving? What have you discovered? What advice would you offer? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!

ps. I want to acknowledge that I'm a white, middle-class privileged woman and that my views might not be as inclusive as I'd like them to be. However my hope for this tiny space in the world wide web is that we get to connect simply as women and human beings ❤